Night in the Lonesome October
by MrTicklepaws
Summary: Canon fic for DesdemonaKakalose's postapocaverse. Title from Calabrese song. Worth has a headache, so he harasses Conrad and they have a little special moment involving pain and petticoats.


Worth was one dehydrated motherfucker. His head was killing him, and all he wanted was to find something cold, stick it in his mouth, and drain it. Conrad didn't count.

The water in the RV was stale and lukewarm, but it was still water. Worth drained a bottle of it quickly, sitting on the edge of the mattress in the back. Behind him Conrad was reading a book, pages making a slight, swishing noise as he flipped to a new section. It wasn't too bad, really, but Worth felt the water sitting heavily in his stretched stomach, tongue feeling like a swollen dead thing in his mouth, and it was enough to irritate. He turned slightly, glaring at Conrad, who ignored him completely, pale pink tongue gliding along a finger to wet it before turning another page in Auto Repair for Dummies because, yeah, apparently they really did make a book for every damn category possible. He would have to look around to see if there was a Faggots for Dummies somewhere and leave it as a little gift for Conrad. The tongue was out again and Worth grunted, looking away.

"Water's fuckin' warm."

"Yes. That often happens when you have no refrigeration available and it's autumn."

"Don't like warm water."

"Poor you. Such a hardship."

"Don't like water."

"Truly your life is a well of misery."

"Don't like smart ass fags."

"Have trouble looking in the mirror, then?"

Oh, he was in one of those moods. Worth rubbed his temples and let the water bottle fall on the ground. "Not as much as you do, sweetheart."

"Mmm...hilarity. Vampire joke and a gay joke all rolled into one," a page flipped, "you should be oh so proud of yourself."

It was dark outside and Worth had spent the day up and working in the field, helping with a harvest. Normally he didn't give a shit about that sort of thing, but this was tobacco. He was invested in that shit, you know, what with wanting to live a bit longer and all. Help with the harvest and get some of the product in exchange. It shouldn't have been too bad, he had reasoned, nippy late October air leading him to throw on his coat before starting work. Hanna and the zombie had been out all day as well, also starting out bundled, but the red head had stripped out of several layers as the hard labor broke out a sweat. Zombie had stayed covered, and Worth wasn't about to let him be the only bloke out there in a coat, even if it did mean sweat had trickled down his spine like water down a creek. Gloves, at least, had been mandatory wear for everyone, and several sets were currently lying in a pile by the porch steps.

Hanna and dead guy were staying in the farm house for the evening, enjoying talking with the locals, maybe turning water into wine, though the red head kept insisting that was something he wasn't actually able to do. Worth had gone in long enough to grab a bite to eat and a brief wash of his upper body and face in a basin before retreating to the camper. With food and water in him, he would be rehydrated in a bit, but until then, he would have to just sit and wait. He wasn't much of a people person, anyway.

The bedroom door was open, and the windows and doors to the outside were open as well, allowing a soft, chilly breeze to filter through the camper. It wasn't too bad, and the smell of the air and feel of it against the back of his neck was helping, but fuck if his head wouldn't quit aching. He rubbed his face, heels of his hands grinding into his eyes.

"Stop that. You'll go blind."

"Think thass somethin' else, Connie."

"You look like a miserable stray dog."

"Aww, jus' fulla compliments tonight, aintcha?"

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong or are you just going to sit there like an irritating growth?"

"Headache from dehydration. I actually was earnin' my keep around here toilin' in th' fields while her ladyship got her beauty sleep. I kin see it ain't done ya a bit a good, though."

"Yes. Because having your hands gouging out your eyes makes looking at the world oh so easy." The vampire was quiet for a bit while Worth continued to try and drill straight into his brain with the heels of his hands. "Oh will you stop that already?"

"Dunno. Ya wanna play Southern Belle seduced by th' field help?"

"What?"

"I think I kin find ya a petticoat somewhere if ya need one. 'n mebbe a bonnet. I'll make sure ta spend th' day in th' barn so I got th' right kinda natural cologne ta get yer pannies-"

"Oh for fuck's sake." Worth was yanked over, head landing on Conrad's thigh. His hands fell from his face and he blinked up at Conrad in the candlelight. Red eyes stared down at him. "Shut up and let me help you. I fucking swear to God, you are the dumbest and most irritating person I have ever had the misfortune of knowing." Cool fingers pressed to Worth's temples, rubbing in a circular pattern. Worth's legs were still hanging over the side of the bed, feet still planted on the floor. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but the rubbing was smoothing away the edges of the pain.

Eyes closed. Worth exhaled slowly. Conrad's fingers moved, working along his brow bone and over his forehead. They eventually wormed their way into his hair, kneading his scalp. They'd been having moments like this more lately. Worth wasn't completely sure what to make of them, and they made him feel odd inside, angry sometimes at the little sparks of hope they nurtured within him. Regardless, whatever he felt inside, his head was feeling better but his back was starting to protest the way he was lying.

Trying to keep his head where it was, he worked his way up onto the bed, curling on his side with his knees bend and feet tucked up. Worth to turned his face, making the sideways position of his body more comfortable. With the shifting, the back of Worth's head was now lightly pressing against the crotch of Conrad's jeans. It was dangerous territory.

The fingers in his hair stilled. "If you rub your head on me, I will stab you in your ear. Do you understand?" Oh. Conrad had noticed.

"Yeah, yeah. Make with th' healin' hands already."

Conrad could only rub half of Worth's head with the new position and he could feel the vampire leaning back against the wall behind the bed. "You know," he said nearly conversationally, "I was starting to think that you liked pain."

"Mmm, not this pain."

"Pain is pain."

"Nah. There're different kindsa pain."

"Pain is a set of nerve transmissions informing your brain that there is damage occurring to the body. There's only different pain in so far as there are different types of injuries."

Well...okay, that was kind of medically accurate, but Worth wasn't about to let an artfag upstage him. "Oooh, someone's tryin' ta play doctor scientist issee? Then ya oughta know that pain is just one of the interpretations of somethin'. So's an' itch, or a tickle, or pleasure. They're all th' same, jus' interpreted differently so yer brain reacts differently."

Conrad's fingers were dangerously close to stroking around the outside of Worth's ear. "So your brain is malfunctional?"

"Ya ever kiss anyone? Besides me, Sally."

Amusement gone, Conrad was back to irritation. "Yes, Worth, not that it's any of your business."

"Ever kiss yer granny?"

"Okay, if this is delving into kink territory, I'm done."

"Fine, don't answer it. Yeh've at least seen someone kiss their granny, yeah? They're either disgusted by it, or it's a family bondin' or whatever. Ever see people reunitin' in an' airport? A couple who ain't seen each other in months. See how they kiss? They're both kissin', it's th' same action, same body parts involved, but I guarantee ya th' way that kiss made them feel wasn't anythin' like the way granny did."

They sat quietly, Conrad's hands stilled upon Worth's head. Worth took a hand and began to rub the knuckle of his thumb into his eye at the slowly resurging headache. One of Conrad's hands grabbed Worth's and pressed it down in front of Worth's face, resting on the vampire's thigh. "Stop that. God you're such a child sometimes." Fingers rubbed temple, brow, scalp. Worth's eyes watched the two hands inches from his nose, soft and white lying upon calloused and tanned. Experimentally, he brushed his thumb against Conrad's. The fingers on his head continued their soothing motions.

"It's not the pain then," he said eventually, sounding almost nervous as he spoke, "but the person providing the pain."

"'s a factor, yeah. Pro'lly th' biggest." His thumb was taking its time tracing around Conrad's thumbnail. "Random bloke on th' street chokin' ya or droppin' wax on yer nipples ain't th' same as someone ya...know well."

It was quiet. He wondered if Conrad was tucking away the information for later reference, or if he was trying to wipe it from his mind completely. On the off chance that Conrad was retaining this memory, he added, "Ain't inta the cock 'n' ball torture no matter who it is, though. Shit ain't right."

"I have no idea how we got on this topic. Weren't we talking about you being dehydrated?"

"Think there was somethin' 'bout you inna dress in there somewhere, too."

"There's always me in a dress, Worth."

"Mmm, ain't there always.

"Are you going to sleep now?"

"Depends. You feelin' like makin' out?"

"Not as much as I feel like punching you in the face."

"So ya do feel like it, then?"

"Wh-no! What are, ugh, what is your problem?"

"Right, right, no makin' out then." He smirked a bit. "Ya like Intercourse?"

"You know, Worth. That joke would have worked if Hanna hadn't been so terribly amused by traveling to Intercourse, Pennsylvania and me watching him explain why it was hilarious to Wilbur, or whatever his name is today. Nice try, though."

The doctor scowled. "When th' fuck'd that happen?"

"When you were outside taking a piss."

"Th' fuck ya talkin' 'bout? I wasn't..." Oh. Wait. They'd made a pitstop to refuel the RV and Worth had headed out to "take a piss" in the woods. He'd had a hell of a time keeping people from following him. Apparently no one understood sometimes a man needed a little time to himself. He grunted. "Ya mean when we had ta gas up. Whatever. Gonna crack that kid upside th' head. Been waitin' ta see yer reaction ta that fer two damn days now."

"Terribly sorry to have spoiled your fun. There's still Bonelick, Kentucky. I'm sure you'll enjoy that one."

"Bullshit."

"I saw it. We drove by an exit for it on the way to Pennsylvania."

He snorted. "Wishful thinkin'."

"Look on the map."

"Ain't lookin' on th' map. Yer jus' gonna start gigglin' an' twirlin' all around 'cause ya think ya fooled me. Ain't no Bonelick, Kentucky."

"Whatever, Worth. Believe what you want to believe. I'm heading out, anyway. So, move." Worth's pillow made of undead legs suddenly betrayed him, scooting out from underneath his head to allow the vampire to stand and stretch.

"Where th' fuck ya goin'? Scrapbookin' club tonight?"

"Helping Matt work on a truck. Sounds simple enough, just taking out an old battery and installing a new one." He tilted his head, hands on his hips. "Think you can survive without me for a bit?"

He slung an arm over his eyes, ready to fall asleep. "Think I'm better off without ya."

"Right. Well, have a wonderful evening, then."

There were sounds, light creaking, soft scuffing as Conrad exited the RV. Worth waited until all he could hear was the song of crickets and occasional ocean-like swish of wind through trees. He was tired. His headache was almost totally gone. His tongue felt like a normal part of his anatomy again. Yet, sleep wouldn't come.

Slowly standing, Worth wandered out to the middle of the RV and looked around at the empty, quiet vehicle, scattered with all manner of trinkets, useful and not. Out the window he could see lights on in the barn by the house and the long shadow of people inside the building. He sat down, maps rustling and wrinkling beneath his fingers until he came to the one he was looking for. Eyes quickly scanned, looking at large cities and then radiating out to smaller ones nearby before he spotted a specific one and barked out a laugh. "Well fuck me."


End file.
